It's complicated

Nearly one year later and I am still in disbelief. Tonight I am saddened with the toll Cancer pushes on our family emotionally. 

It is such a rollercoaster. At times I feel we are all on the same ride fighting  together, yet the things we see and feel are completely different. 

Emotionally it has pushed relationships to a breaking point, ready to snap it right in half. It has made us question every decision and then turn on each other to question each others choices and thoughts. I am sickened by the destruction it can slowly cause but quickly build. Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually I am drained. We all are, but we keep pressing on because it is the only option we will accept. 

At Times during this trial I  have felt closer to my husband and family then I ever thought possible. I have come to realize that goes both ways. At times I feel I don't even know the person I have been married to for nearly 14 years because this is tearing us apart. 

I can't describe how good it feels to know that we are near an end to one of the most difficult parts. We live each day to watch Tristan succeed, fight and thrive. We live each day to see his brother do the same, because this fight is personal for him as well. 

I thank my Father in Heaven for a faith that I know I can get on my knees and pray and he is right there with me listening, crying and carrying my family through these times. 

It is not easy. It just plain stinks. I hate most of what has been happening and can't even begin to explain its complicated process. 

I do know that it will be ok because Tristan won't give up and that is that. 

Thank you Tristan for your strength, your spirit your unwavering  faith. It has been at your weakest moments that you carry our family through. 

I feel embarrassed and guilty for accepting financial assistance knowing that there are families struggling much more than ours. It is a burden it is unexpected but when is it a need? It's difficult to accept help when you feel you can do it on your own. It breaks my heart to know my husband carries this personally on his shoulders. Fathers want to provide for, care for and fix it, all themselves. My husband is no different just a bigger fix.  I respect and love that about him but acknowledge that we can't allow our pride to step on us and leave a bruise. I want to thank you for your generosity it has eased some of that burden. 

I'm just going to Thank you all for EVERY single way you have supported my family this past year. It is not something that I or we could ever repay. My love for people, other families and strangers has developed in ways that I can barely comprehend.

Thank you, Love you all.  I do ask  for continued support and prayers as we face the emotional and metal hole that we will now begin to fill .  Nobody ever said it would be easy but I do remember hearing it will be worth it! 

I can't wait to feel that worth again.

Tristan will ring that bell and he will have an army beside him as always for that I thank you. 

 to update soon. I have had a hard time writing about our daily life because I don't like to relive some of the events. :( There are some wonderful things happening though that I do need to share so I will get on top of that. 

For now if you would like to read about Tristan go to his Facebook page 

https://www.facebook.com/FightingTristansBoneCancer

Ramble

It's not often that I feel like writing on this blog, but Today I do. I know that many of you are following us on Facebook and know that Tristan has been in the Hospital for 8 Days straight. He is finally getting stronger and should be able to go home sometime this weekend we hope.
Spending several nights in the hospital gives me too much time to think! I have had many thoughts running around in my brain this week.

I have been more afraid this week than I can remember ever in my life. I have watched Tristan suffer much more than I could have ever thought possible. I have rubbed and massaged his back until my fingers literally ache. I have worried until my own stomach curls and my heart breaks. I felt more helpless this week as a mother than ever before. Tristan has been so sick. It is frightening to me how rapidly his body declined in health. I wanted to scream at the Doctors to do something more to fix him! I spent many many, many hours in prayer pleading and begging for him to find relief from the pain and to begin to heal. I begged many of you for prayers as well and I know that they are answered.
Here I go with some cliche' saying "they aren't always answered the way we want them to be" but we try to find the real reason for the suffering and pain right?

I feel comforted now, knowing that we have found a source to his fevers. I have seen him get stronger the past 2 days and his body begin to fight the nasty infection that was beginning to take over.

This Cancer stuff---Its Bad, Its sad, its ruthless! I hate it.

On Saturday July 28th we had a big Fundraiser motorcycle rally & 5K run that we had planned on for months. Cancer took it away from Tristan. He would have loved to see the support and the love that was there in his honor. Many times this week he has mentioned how unfair it is that he missed his own fundraiser.
UNFAIR? I'll say unfair. It hurts my heart to think of how "unfair" this all is for my 10 year old.
School started last week, all of his friends and his brother Tanner started a new school year.
Tristan had round 8 of Chemo therapy. Many of our friends and neighbors are squeezing in last minute summer vacations and Waterpark fun. Tristan gets a very expensive all inclusive stay at Primary Children's Hospital & a cool sponge bath for fevers.
Most of his friends had football tryouts this week, Tristan is learning how to hop across the room on one leg.
No, this IS NOT FAIR!

I find myself feeling Jealous and frustrated that we cannot do those things. I feel bad for Tanner because his life has changed so much with this cancer also. What a great kid he is to go to school alone each day, finish his homework sometimes alone all the while I know he worries tremendously about his brother.
I feel sad sometimes knowing that life just keeps going on outside the hospital walls. It doesn't wait for Tristan to get better it just passes him by.
This has been by far the most difficult, painful, crazy, exhausting week yet.
I hope that we do not ever get the chance to Top it!
The weird part in all of this is that I feel blessed in many ways. I do not always try to put a positive spin on things but guess it is just always there!

Our family has learned so much in such a short time. We are truly stronger as a family more now than ever. We have learned how to make the impossible possible. We work together, roll with the punches, comfort each other, cry together and feel the pain and suffering together.

 I feel bad for the moms that do not know their children like I know mine. I feel bad for the families that don't learn how to come together to make  important things possible.
We did not ask for & do not want these trials. I  won't say that I would do this again but the people we are today I would not change.

 I have a 10 year old hero that I happened to give birth to. I am lucky enough to feel grateful that he and all of us are alive each & every day, hour and minute.

I refuse to take the small things for granted, even if it is just a smile.
I love my family. I love my friends & all the people that support us.
I have felt a love, comfort, compassion and prayers from strangers that carry us through each day.
 I thank you all very much again and again and again!
We are blessed and continue to be blessed each day with the love from all of you, your prayers and a God that is Good and love us too.

We are tired, we are weak, we are strong and we will fight! This boy proves that even at our weakest point we are strong enough to fight.
Love to all & thanks for letting me ramble.

This is our Fighter

Fundraiser & T-shirts

I am so excited with our Brainwave even Fundraiser Coming Up next saturday the 28th we can all have out Team Tristan matching T-shirts because they just arrived!!! T-shirts

*Reg Fit 'T' S, M, L, & XL $12 XXL & XXXL $15 *Feminine Cut 'T' S, M, L $14 *Child XS (2-4) S (4-6) M, L $10 Child XL will be an Adult S $12 you can click the donate button on the right to pay please specify sizes in the notes and add $5 for shipping if you want them shipped If You haven't already registered for the 5K, Motorcycle Rally or Poker tournament GO NOW!! There will lots of activities for kids also at this all day Event Things to do beside walk or ride in motorcycle rally Check out the motorcycle show and also the motorcycle stunt riders. Kids can do our waterslide bounce house ride in a train climb the rock wall. Visit with local Royality visit our kids store listen to the great bands shop at our vendors. something for everyone. Please make it a point to stop by and help some of these great families. We are shooting for 400 motorcycles this year we have over 200 signed up for the walk run so keep spreading the word. REMEMBER IT IS GOOD LUCK TO PAY IT FORWARD AND HELP OTHERS YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MAY NEED HELP!!!!!!! July 28th at Leatherheads that is in the parking lot of Cowabunga Bay the old VF Factory Mall http://www.chidrenandtheearth.com Under Brainwave event and Register for Team Tristan

Todays Update post surgery day

Tanner, Chris and I each woke up with a massive headache this morning. Tristan is doing well, he has some pain that they are managing with a pain pump. Sometimes he cannot get it fast enough. Once again we had some very special and incredible visitors today! He is resting now.
                                   Thank you Eric Merkley & Karsen and Nicole

                                                                         Peace

7pm 

Tristan is Visiting a bunch, sleeping A lot, Itching from meds very very much, and even Walking a Little !!!!

                        ********  Pictures of his leg at the bottom so don't look if your not ready  :)

                                          Itchy Itchy Itchy

 

Out crusing the halls like a ROCKSTAR!!

 These  visitors were real heros and also had amputations! These kids develop an instant bond and strength from one another.

                                                             Eric Merkley

                                                    

                                               Karsen and Mom

                                                  Friends and family  

                                                     

                             He is now  PROUD  to show his LEG !! :)

Last few Posts done by Tineil Huntington

I am Tiffany's sister Tineil Huntington and I have been helping Tiffany try to catch this BLOG up the best I can so she can go edit and add stuff as needed, instead of trying to do it all so thanks so much for all your love and support it is all felt and has been overwhelming at times for everyone.. THANK YOU

Upcomming Fundraising Events for Tristan

Paparazzi Fundraising Party for Tristan!

 

 

 Event · By Tiffany Dinkelman

 

 

Saturday, July 14, 2012

• 10:00am

• Tiffany Dinkelman's house, let me know if you need directions!

   (you can also find this event on facebook)

I'm hosting a Paparazzi Jewelry party, in my home, Saturday July 14th. All proceeds will go directly to Tristan and his family to help cover medical costs. Tristan was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer and needs to have his leg amputated. He is such a sweet boy, and could... really use our help and support. Tristan's Words: My name is Tristan I am 10 Years Old. I have a rare Bone Cancer called Ewings Sarcoma in my foot. I have to spend a lot of time at Primary Children’s hospital getting Chemo treatments. Chemo makes me feel sick, very tired and gives me mouth sores. In July I will be having a below the knee leg amputation to help remove my tumor. I will still have to have a lot of Chemo treatments after the amputation to stop the Cancer from spreading. Before I had cancer I liked going to the beach in California, boogie boarding & dreamed of surfing. I like riding 4-wheelers and playing sports with my big brother Tanner. I love the Utah Utes football team & I hope I can still go some Utah Football games between my Chemo treatments. I am happy to have so many friends and family members that love and support me. When I am Cancer free I want to help other Cancer kids like me. Thank You from, Tristan

Gift of Life Rally/Brainwave 5K walk, run or roll....

Public Event · By Children and the Earth, Inc.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

8:00am until 10:00pm

The Draper Spectrum

SPONSORS PLEASE



This fundraiser is a very big event that will have several different "Teams of Children" That will be participating. ALL $ from our personal team sponsors goes to Tristan! This is Tax deductible and from what I hear if your business wants to be concidered of the top Uta...h companies of the year, one of the things they ask is what charities you contribute to?! If your company or someone you know wants to sponsor us please let me know ASAP! We need to get the company logos to put on the flyers and T-shirts. The organization is called Children and The Earth. $200.00 Company name goes on Posters $500.00 Company name goes on posters. Any type of Kadvertising to go in bags for all walkers and riders and can advertise business on all event sites $1000.00 Name on Poster T-shirts Gets a Booth at the event and all the above benefits also. (there will be a lot of people so if your company would benefit from a booth this is a great opportunity) It will be an all day event with a ton of activities for families, kids and adults!!! Huge prizes and raffles as well. (they are accepting donations for prizes and raffle too)                                                                                                                          SIGN UPS FO 5K/ MOTORCYCLE RALLY      You can also participate by signing up for the 5K ($20 babies in strollers dont have to pay) or motorcycle Rally ($25 individual or $30 for double riders) at Childrenandtheearth.com make sure you select Team Tristan. If you have questions about this and cannot get ahold of me please call Jodi @ 801-347-1992 email the logo's to jodi@wadsco.com and mail check's to Children and the Earth 252 w Cottage Ave Sandy UT 84070 I am so excited about this event! They are allowing Tristan to ride his 4-wheeler to start off our team in the 5K. I think this will be a very big deal for him to see his enormous team of support and especially because it will be post-surgery! - Thanks to you all from the bottom of my heart ♥